I was talking to one of the tenants in my office park last week and was surprised by the conversation. As I was fixing a ceiling tile in her office we started chatting about one of her favorite subjects (See Chapter 1 of my book Who’s in Charge of You?), and I found out that for years she has always wanted to visit Las Vegas. 

After about ten minutes of listening to her tell me all the things she would love to do if she went to Vegas, I couldn’t help but be intrigued. Knowing she wasn’t hurting financially, I asked her a simple question. “What’s keeping you from going?”  She answered me quickly and briefly, “Work.” 

I looked down from my ladder and asked her a blunt and harsh question. “If you knew you were going to die in thirty days would you go?”  Immediately she said, “Yes!”  

Makes you think doesn’t it? I know we can’t “do it all” but what are you putting off that you would regret not doing if you only had thirty days left? Is it a call to your family member you swore off years ago? Is it that father/daughter date you’ve been promising for months? Is it that special getaway you’ve told your spouse about but never done?  Remember, life can change in an instant!  Enjoy it to the fullest and grab all the “amazing” you can!

My daughter asked me an interesting question the other day. “Why are most of my friends parents divorced?”

As I stood there working out a logical answer to my 12 year olds question, I realized that she was right … most of her friends, and many of mine, have serious parental and marital problems. What shocked me is I hadn’t really given it much thought until that point.

We seem to have become a society that sees marriage as “optional” versus a commitment between two people till death do us part. As I look around I wonder why we even go through the whole marriage vow process. If we are so accepting as a society to break this solemn pledge then why do we even take it to start with? How about we just go into it with a handshake or a high five and say, “Let’s try our best to make this work?” 

I’ll tell you why…

The problem isn’t the vows…it’s the choice. Let me explain. What I see in my interaction with many singles as well as couples is that their decision-making process was weak from the outset. They fell in love very young and ended up making a lifelong decision for the wrong reasons with the wrong person. They never took the time to seriously consider and evaluate what they wanted in a lifelong mate. They found “quick love” and got married.

What happens next is a tragedy. One of the partners discovers years later that they are sick and tired of the poor choice they made (usually several kids later) and finally break down and file for divorce. The second type silently suffers in a facade of love and emptiness wishing there was “more” in their life than what they have. 

I, like you, personally know several couples living like this. I am helping one friend right now who had his wife walk in one day and nuke her marriage. She found her breaking point and simply said she was done with him and their marriage…and she meant it.  What’s sad is that their two young kids are about to witness marriage at it’s worst. He also just became part of the majority instead of the minority of people in the world of marriage.

I feel so strongly about this I even wrote an entire chapter in my book on this subject. If you’re single, PLEASE take time to research and seriously think about what you want in your lifelong mate. Like the saying goes, “They can bring you 95% of your happiness or 95% of your misery.” If you’re unhappily married sit down and talk about it. Sometimes just honestly sharing your needs and desires can do wonders for a relationship. If that doesn’t work take the time to invest in counseling before you nuke your marriage and your kids as well. 

I want to show you an easy way to differentiate yourself from the throngs of people in the world. My wife accomplishes this very effectively in the kitchen. She gets it done with two simple words…Chocolate Cake!

My wife has a recipe for the most unbelievable chocolate cake all covered in gooey chocolate icing. She makes it about three times a week but remarkably we never get to eat it! Although I keep insisting she makes it so she can lick the “calorie free” bowl of leftover icing, she insists she makes it for people who need a smile in their day. Ends up we are both right!

After she is done pulling her head out of the bowl she delivers the cake to friends, offices she does business with, people who have gone out of their way for us, you name it, and she brings them a cake. The results are “Amazing!”

People just aren’t used to having someone do something for them with no agenda in mind (although our wait at the doctors office is non-existent). We’ve had friends tell us they were awake in the middle of the night dealing with the stresses and pressures of everyday life when they spotted the beautiful cake sitting in their kitchen. The appreciation they express for some comfort food to get them through the problem goes beyond definition!

I don’t care if it’s cake, cookies or just a kind gesture…do something nice for people when they least expect it, and you will truly enjoy the look on their face of sincere appreciation!

There it is…the one phrase in the English language that I truly can’t stand!

Stop and think about it for a minute. What does “I’ll try” really mean?  I know this…it doesn’t stand for success! Yet, I hear these words come out of people’s mouths every day. I notice it so much that when I hear someone say they will “try” to do something it sounds to me like they are screaming the words. 

Think about anything you’ve ever truly succeeded in – your career, your family, your golf game or anything else, and I guarantee you “trying” wasn’t the verb that got you there. You knew that regardless of the time or effort required you were going to DO it! 

I often share “I’ll Try” examples with my audiences:

“This is your captain speaking, and I’m going to try to fly us to Las Vegas.” (Let me off the plane!)

“Thanks for the dinner invitation. I’ll try to make it.” (You’re not coming.)

It only takes a couple of examples to see how silly it sounds to say you’re going to “try” to do something. “Try” tells me you’re only going to give a good 50% effort. Guess what? I’m not counting on you.

Take a look at anything you’re doing now that isn’t going as well as you hoped. Now stop for a minute and analyze your mindset? Is it one of total commitment where you will do whatever is needed to succeed? Or, is it a mindset of “I’ll put a toe in the water and check the temperature to see if it really is worth diving in.” 

Here’s the bottom line: 

If you want to see success in any part of your life then stop trying!  And for my sake as well as yours, please stop saying it.

I would rather you tell me that you’re not going to do it rather than tell me your going to try. Yes or no. Do or do not. Succeed or fail. Win or lose.  Pick a side of the fence and get on it. 

The rewards from changing your thinking to an “All In” mindset will amaze you when you see what you are truly capable of doing.  Go out and get the amazing you deserve by giving it 100%.

Me, me, me — I love talking about me!

I don’t care where you are or who you’re with; everyone’s favorite subject is always the same — themselves. Most of us won’t admit it of course, because that would sound too self-serving or arrogant. But if you’re honest, you too will agree that nothing is more enjoyable to talk about than yourself.

Why is this important in the big scheme of things? Because you can use this one key factor to seriously expand your social and professional network.

Remember the old saying, “It’s not what you know but who you know?” I’ve taken it one step further. It’s not what you know. It’s not who you know. It’s what you know about who you know that is the key. In other words, everyone has a skill, passion or story; however, most people are never asked to talk about it. The result is a wasted opportunity to learn something you most likely never knew about someone.

When you’re talking about people’s favorite subject, they usually become instantly engaged in both you and the conversation. Many times I notice people smiling as they are telling me about themselves. However, asking questions just to “suck up” or schmooze doesn’t work at all. What does work is pure, unadulterated curiosity. If you are genuinely curious about the other person’s “life stories” then questions will come easily. It sounds simple but it isn’t for most people. There are many reasons for this, but the main one is that most people really don’t have a desire to be curious, nor do they have the ability to listen.

Once you realize there are many people who have some incredibly interesting stories to tell, your learning curve will immediately start going up and your network will begin expanding. I urge you to re-ignite your curiosity and start asking people questions about themselves. If nothing else, make it your own private game of how little you can talk about yourself and how much you can learn from others. I guarantee you’ll find that everyone has a story and most people are sincerely appreciative you asked about it.